Site Write: Varendil’s Day Off

I like site writes. I used to think they were a bad idea, writing without any sort of attempt to insert meaning, but now I like the idea of it. Oftentimes it’s not until you RP with someone that your character takes shape, and writing, like roleplay, can help illuminate a character. Of course, the one I cranked out today feels more like an illustration of something we knew than an illumination, but that’s still okay.

Presenting, from the Moon Guard forums, Varendil’s Day Off.

Lanuria was lounging on a bed, munching on an apple and reading her typical romantic fare when the door to the apartment swung open and Varendil entered, dropping one backpack off at the door and hauling the other over to the bed they shared. From the second bag he pulled a cupcake, presenting it to his wife with a bit of flourish. “Apples are gross,” he said.

Her eyes lit up at the sugary treat and she pounced on it, leaving the fruit behind and happily gnawing at the confection. “Fankth, honey,” she said as she chewed.

The husband set the other sack down, pulling a few vegetables free and arranging them in their small, makeshift pantry. From the bottom of the bag he pulled his own treat, a small jar of pickled cucumbers. While his wife was distracted, he quickly popped the lid and–

The lid didn’t move. He grabbed it and twisted again. Nothing. Grumbling, he pulled a glove off and gripped the metal lid. He wrapped his arm around the base of the jar and began wrenching at it. He tugged and tugged, but no response.

He pulled a hand towel from the cabinet, setting it on the countertop and setting the jar atop it, making sure the towel gripped the jar properly. He then tightly gripped the lid and twisted hard with a “Hnnng!”

Something touched Varendil’s waist and he yelped, tossing the jar into the air, where a hand darted over his shoulder to grab it. He turned around to see Lanuria, who’d finished her cupcake and come to investigate. She smirked at her husband’s shock, then looked down at the jar, popping the lid open to look inside. “What are these?”

He stared for a moment, slumping so hard it made his neck sore. “But… I… and then you…”

She looked up at him. “You couldn’t get this open? My husband couldn’t open a pickle jar?!”

He snatched the cucumbers from her. “The thing is, the reason I couldn’t is because ashnk nakth munf shk mirky.”

He took one of the cucumbers, chomping down on the end and pushing it into his munching teeth with one finger as he spoke.

Lanuria slumped and stared at him coolly.

“Besides,” he said after swallowing the first pickle and pulling a second from the jar, “I wakng thr brunk rathw pkak.”

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4 Responses to “Site Write: Varendil’s Day Off”


  1. 1 AlmightyFarseer November 8, 2010 at 8:49 AM

    Best part about this is I could probly see this happening in IRL or RP ^^

    I find my relationship in WoW with my Fiance (And Married in WoW) is kinda simerlar, but just takes it up a notch. With weapons usually, not as bad as Mr & Mrs Smith but ya get it 😉

    Awesome story, can’t belive I ain’t been here before :3

  2. 2 Thorrson November 9, 2010 at 4:59 PM

    Nearly went into paroxysms of laughter over the “apples are gross” line.


  1. 1 Captain Marval « The Roleplayer's Lament Trackback on November 8, 2010 at 12:24 PM
  2. 2 Modern Marvals « The Roleplayer's Lament Trackback on January 4, 2011 at 6:05 AM

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