Hey, Kids! Do You Like Getting Married?

((Best enjoyed when read aloud in your best Jon Stewart Doing Orly Taitz [about 3:07] voice.))

How many times has this happened to you?!

Boy: Let’s get married. Then I’ll feel less guilty about the things I put between your legs.

Girl: I’d love to! But first I need a standard white wedding dress, or perhaps some commonly-seen crafted robes to dress up in.

Boy: Oh, and I should get my not-at-all-compensatory enormous weapon enchanted with a purely cosmetic glow.

Both: Wow. Where are we going to find someone that can help with all of our problems?

Hello! This is where I come in! I am Varendil Dawnblade of Honest Varendil’s Enchanting Emporium, Tailoring Hut, and Discount Weddings!

Even if you’re not sure she’s the one, due to today’s highly volatile combat environments and confusing inheritance laws, you can’t afford NOT to be married to the person you want to have your stuff once you’re ganked and teabagged by some gnome in Wintergrasp Fortress! We’re here to help!

At Honest Varendil’s Discount Weddings, we provide bargain weddings in almost any locale. Our priests have real wedding experience to provide you with a top notch ceremony at bottom-gouge prices.

But how do we do it? Honest Varendil’s Discount Weddings is a one-couple operation. This means we can cut out the middlemen and pass the savings on to you!

No witness? No problem! Save your anxiety for unmet expectations on the wedding night!

Need a wedding dress or tuxedo? Our highly skilled tailors can turn out clean, guaranteed-to-fit product in no time at all!

Contact Varendil or Lanuria Dawnblade for a FREE consultation! You cannot be turned down due to preexisting conditions such as undeath, homosexuality or troll descent!

MAIL NOW!

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Header photo by David Reber's Hammer Photography. Many ideas and images copyright Blizzard.
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