I’ma Calling You Out, Broseph

The day before yesterday, I wrote some things about Dan Brown, popular author and literary punching bag. Then yesterday happened. However, in my ongoing attempts to distract myself from what happened yesterday, I’m bringing it back.

In the post two days ago, I made fun of one of Dan Brown’s character descriptions, comparing it to many novices I see in World of Warcraft who are living a hair too vicariously through their characters and haven’t given them any flaws. However, I’d like to give Mr. Brown a chance to redeem himself.

Here are some lines from Wilson, Wisconsin, which I consider one of my best character descriptions.

Winston turned to face the child, his scruffy mustache, wrinkles, and rotund figure giving him the appearance of a malnourished manatee in a polo shirt. “Hello!” Winston said to the boy, with the mix of wonder and bewilderment he used when encountering any person, technology, or concept younger than the wine he had in his basement.

Dear Mr. Brown: If you can do a better character description than this, I will personally buy a copy of your new book, The Lost Symbol, and read it with the best open mind I can. But it has to be specifically addressed to me. And the fact that almost nobody reads this blog should not be used to protect him – if I were a world famous author, I’d certainly spend all my time googling myself for people calling me out. Yep.

Ball’s in your court, sir.


1 Response to “I’ma Calling You Out, Broseph”

  1. 1 Lanuria September 21, 2009 at 5:42 AM

    I google myself anyways, just to see what people say.

    Then again, I only google Lanuria because no one really thinks me famous in a Real World Sense.

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