The Password is ‘Cry’

Mmph. Good morning, all. I haven’t said anything in a while, so I thought I’d pipe up and remind the world that I’m alive.

First, a list from the Telegraph that made me a little sad: Dan Brown’s 20 worst sentences. In reality, several examples have more than one sentence, so it’s more content than it says on the tin. Its headline on Fark was ’20 ways to make an English major cry,’ and I couldn’t resist. I really should have thought of #1.

#20, though, is really where it’s at. Quoting from Angels and Demons, Chapter 1:

Although not overly handsome in a classical sense, the forty-year-old Langdon had what his female colleagues referred to as an ‘erudite’ appeal — wisp of gray in his thick brown hair, probing blue eyes, an arrestingly deep voice, and the strong, carefree smile of a collegiate athlete.

Dan Brown is describing his hero, Dan Brown Robert Langdon, with prose on par with people whose RSP tags I mock. Maybe people would come to this site more if I wrote like this. Let’s give this a shot.

Although not overly handsome in the classical sense, the two-hundred-year-old Dawnblade had what his female compatriots called an ‘academic’ appeal — well-behaved fire-colored hair, sharp, insistent cheekbones, a clarion, high pitched voice with an angelic falsetto that would make Geddy Lee jealous, and the smirk of a man confident in how much no good he was up to.

I have to stop there before I get a concussion from headdesking.

Moving on, here is a list of activities listed on the side of a Kid’s Meal bag at my unnamed place of employment under the heading ‘Have you ever?’

  • Shot a basket
  • Raced an imaginary friend around an imaginary tree
  • Trained a balloon animal
  • Swung a bat
  • Arm wrestled an arm chair
  • Played hopscotch with a frog
  • Ridden a pony
  • Skipped to the corner and back
  • Cannonballed off a diving board
  • Juggled helium balloons
  • Been “it”

I listed this because while many of the ideas are common and simple – being it, swinging a bat – some of them are just… wrong. If I ever saw a child running in circles, asked what he was doing, and heard back, “Racing my imaginary friend around an imaginary tree,” I think I might burst into tears. Furthermore, I think arm wrestling an armchair (which is one word, thank you) would lead to breaking one of the arms involved. Don’t know which.

Oh, and I doubt it counts as juggling if you don’t catch each item at least once, so no one’s juggled helium balloons. Hey, kids! Strap yourselves to the ceiling and throw things downward! The Kid’s Meal bag says it’s a good idea!

Well. That’s all for now. Finally working on Defenders of the Light again, and have an idea for a sequel to A Dark and Stormy Night. Hopefully those get cranked out soon.


2 Responses to “The Password is ‘Cry’”

  1. 1 Lanuria September 18, 2009 at 1:22 PM

    Soon, hundreds of level 58 death knights, dressed in black mageweave with alluring eyes and raven locks that cascade down their backs, their skin a alabaster tone oh pale beauty, almost ethereal, will walk slowly, gracefully, almost as if they floated to the two hundred year old Dawnblade.

    And from the bushes, a red haired Ranger will pop out, dagger between her teeth. With a quick slash, she will kill all those evil fan fic loving women and steal her husband to bring him back to a normal life. One without thesauruses, but really good sex.

    the end

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