In Which the Author Wonders How Pretentious It Is To Begin Sentences With ‘In Which’

So I’m sitting here, eating my Thin Mints (And for the record, while DADT isn’t the best policy ever, the GSUSA’s maintenance of it makes them automatically cooler than the BSA) and drinking my two percent (They don’t have whole at the college cafeteria. Yeah, that’s right, I drink whole milk. Why? Because anything less isn’t real enough) when I see and advert-PSA on the carton for something called boostup.org. I nod and give the site the clickthrough, because milk’s rarely done me wrong, and it’s a site about helping kids graduate high school through encouragement. Sweet. Lots of people say that whoever doesn’t graduate high school doesn’t deserve to, and that’s when I kindly inform them of what psychologists call the fundamental attribution error tell them to go fuck themselves.

So on the site, one of the reasons it has for boosting is that “Every day, nearly 7,000 students leave school. Help make it 6,999.” My first reaction is a Carlin-esque “I hope a lot more than 7,000 students leave school every day, how many kids live in the school!” My second reaction is that if nearly 7,000 students leave school every day, it must be a number less than 7,000, so making it 6,999 would either reduce the number of dropouts by zero or make it so more kids leave school, which I doubt is the website’s intention. My third, and least joking, reaction is that if our goal is to reduce this number by a mere one, we’re really aiming low anymore.

There was a point to that story, but I’ve forgotten what it was.

While researching Paragraph One above, I pulled up the web page for the Boy Scouts of America on Wikipedia. You might have heard of it, it’s my open-source collection of all human knowledge of choice. It certainly beats the alternative. While there, I learned that apparently, the Boy Scouts don’t take athiests and agnostics into their ranks. This is odd, because I don’t remember setting foot in a church under religious pretenses between when my grandmother died in third grade and… well, the present. And I got an Arrow of Light. Is that… theft? Should I return it? Burn it? I’m lost.

Since I haven’t finished my latest story, if you need your daily dose of crazy, here it is.

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1 Response to “In Which the Author Wonders How Pretentious It Is To Begin Sentences With ‘In Which’”


  1. 1 lanuriaparty April 2, 2009 at 12:46 AM

    Coming from a High School were I started off with 500 kids in 9th grade and only graduated with 300+, I find this site amazing, in looks and a message. It’s comforting to see people wanting to help out the future of our world. Thank you, milk!

    Boy Scouts? Never liked ’em since they wouldn’t let me go camping with them when I was eight.

    Girl Scouts can go shove their cookies!
    ..in my mouth. Give.


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