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Hey, Kids! Do You Like Getting Married?

((Best enjoyed when read aloud in your best Jon Stewart Doing Orly Taitz [about 3:07] voice.))

How many times has this happened to you?!

Boy: Let’s get married. Then I’ll feel less guilty about the things I put between your legs.

Girl: I’d love to! But first I need a standard white wedding dress, or perhaps some commonly-seen crafted robes to dress up in.

Boy: Oh, and I should get my not-at-all-compensatory enormous weapon enchanted with a purely cosmetic glow.

Both: Wow. Where are we going to find someone that can help with all of our problems?

Hello! This is where I come in! I am Varendil Dawnblade of Honest Varendil’s Enchanting Emporium, Tailoring Hut, and Discount Weddings!

Even if you’re not sure she’s the one, due to today’s highly volatile combat environments and confusing inheritance laws, you can’t afford NOT to be married to the person you want to have your stuff once you’re ganked and teabagged by some gnome in Wintergrasp Fortress! We’re here to help!

At Honest Varendil’s Discount Weddings, we provide bargain weddings in almost any locale. Our priests have real wedding experience to provide you with a top notch ceremony at bottom-gouge prices.

But how do we do it? Honest Varendil’s Discount Weddings is a one-couple operation. This means we can cut out the middlemen and pass the savings on to you!

No witness? No problem! Save your anxiety for unmet expectations on the wedding night!

Need a wedding dress or tuxedo? Our highly skilled tailors can turn out clean, guaranteed-to-fit product in no time at all!

Contact Varendil or Lanuria Dawnblade for a FREE consultation! You cannot be turned down due to preexisting conditions such as undeath, homosexuality or troll descent!

MAIL NOW!

I Love the Internet

Have I mentioned that I love the internet? I think I have. Look at this and tell me you don’t love the internet too.

I love the internet.

Love it.

Ripped From the Headlines

I’m perusing Fark, as I am wont to do, and decide to see just how severe these severe wildfires out west are. A few paragraphs into this article, something catches my eye.

YOU MUST SAVE THAT MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA.

Continue reading ‘Ripped From the Headlines’

An Aside

So I’m getting my Tiger Woods on in my entertainment center, and by ‘entertainment center’ I mean I back my chair away from my desk about a foot and swivel so I’m facing the TV. The familiar tone sounds that indicates that I have a tweet, and since BlizzCon’s going on and WoW.com’s twitter feed won’t shut up about it, I assume that’s what it’s about. I swivel back to face my monitor and see this.

Tweetdeck

It’s one thing to report leaks. That’s journalism. It’s entirely another to take your leak and shove it in someone’s face.

Dear WoW.com and whomever you have representing your organization at BlizzCon. Your attitude doesn’t make you look cool. You’re rubbing the fact that one of Chris’s employees broke his NDA, or whatever the employee equivalent is, in Chris’s face. That’s downright high school.

So keep being a smug little bitch, WoW.com tweeter. I’m unfollowing you immediately.

Man, I Look Good

Varendil New RP Gear

Look out, Icecrown. Argent Champion Varendil Dawnblade’s about to heal your face off.

Hurf Durf

I was going to write today, but I just can’t get into it. My attention span’s not in the right place, I dunno.

Just wanted to say that.

Still a bit mopey about Reno, but there’s still two years of it I’ve never seen as well. I can cherish that, at least. Besides, it’s not like Lennon and Garant will never make another TV show or other project.

Plus I’ve been playing a lot of Tiger Woods, which is addictive. I also got the code for the game I won playing 1 vs. 100 on Xbox Live, which is… fun, but lacking depth. Or maybe I haven’t found its depth yet. Dunno.

In any case, writing’s on the back burner. We’ll see what I come up with.

Took You Long Enough

Wilson 3 is complete. Well, reasonably complete. Complete enough. I know, know, that some typo or continuity error slipped through, but at this point I’m still ready to unveil it. It’s called, as you may know, Always Happy to Serve You, and can be found by clicking on the title I just stated as well as the snazzy new ‘Recent Works’ section at the top of the bar to your right. Please do comment. Please do get your friends hooked on the series.

The story ended up quite a bit different than I expected. It started as a means to vent frustrations from work at [redacted] and turned into the first half of something bigger, something not just about idiotic customers. Oh, sure, there are a zillion idiotic customers to come whenever I write the second half of this, but that won’t necessarily be the focus. The fate of Clarence and Clarice will take the forefront. So far I’ve written a crazy ending and a less crazy ending. We’ll see which I use.


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Header photo by David Reber's Hammer Photography. Many ideas and images copyright Blizzard.
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